Cast

Jay Mullen
Actor / London Knight

Jay is believed to have been created by the Gods, gifted with superhuman creativity, and sculpted to perfection by the blind girl from the Lionel Richie ‘Hello’ music video, but his journey to celebrated comedy deity was paved with misfortune.

Jay thought he found fame auditioning for the 2010 Albanian talent show ‘Ti Vien’, with his Bruce Forsythe impression, but the show was cancelled and rebranded as Albania’s Got Talent, on which Jay was not asked to perform.

Jay believes he was snubbed for the show by AGT judge Altin Basha, due to Jay’s scathing comments of Mr. Basha’s directing on the Albanian comedy show ‘Portokalli’. Jay is quoted as saying and I quote “The directing is alright, I guess.” end quote, words Jay would live to regret!

From this point, Jay’s life became very bleak and he fell in with the wrong crowd. Jay joined a gang of street performance artists, performing mime and impromptu improvised skits. Jay thought his life couldn’t get any lower, that is until Jay developed an addiction to ‘Benylin’.

One night as Jay was at the pique of his glycerol and sucrose high, he was transported to Mount Olympus for a conflab with the Gods. Struck by Apollo’s lighting bolt, an idea formed.

It was Jay’s mission to form the greatest comedy group the world had ever seen, but first Jay had to suffer from several nights of cold turkey as he weened himself from the sugary cough syrup. Jay also had to give 2-weeks notice to his fellow street performers, whilst they found his replacement, but then in that delayed moment of God-inspired genius, Functional Rejects was born!

Gary Jermaine
Actor / Harry Higgs

Gary is a simple man. Raised by Amish freedom fighters on a small spider-goat farm within Vatican city.

When his mother needed urgent surgery, Gary stepped up to the plate and organised a charity apple bobbing competition. Unable to procure any apples, Gary thought he could just have people bob for water, but sadly the event was a complete washout and he didn’t raise the money required for his mother’s breast implants, and she became the laughing stock of the church committee.

Shamed by the guilt he’d brought upon his family, Gary set off to travel the world of warcraft, hoping to restore honour upon his family.

Immersed in his virtual universe, Gary quickly rose to the level of amateur gamer and was celebrated by his fellow WoWsers for the days he was offline.

Gary found his 15-minutes of fame when he found himself front-page news of the Daily Mail after he discovered the tea-stained image of the messiah on a McVitie’s digestive biscuit.

Alas, it was not meant to be and Gary’s fame crumbled quicker than his Jesus biscuit after a daily ritual dunking session went wrong!

Utilising his fame, Gary bargained a place within Functional Rejects by gifting them two youtube subscribers, raising their subscription numbers to two, and the rest they say is history!

Karl Hicks
Actor / Josh Ballis

Decemeber 26th 1987, Karl was born and then a mere 936 weeks later he was snatched from the milky teats of his mother’s comforting bosom and forced to work for a crazed chocolatier, where he lived within the confines of the chocolate factory prison.

Karl struggled with creating on-the-spot lyrics for the impromptu songs, which he had to perform at his master’s will. To this day Karl recoils at the sight or sound of a flute!

Karl escaped his imprisoned life and found employment as a dancer. Karl’s dancing career began on the poles in seedy gentleman’s clubs until one night he was taken to a private booth by a friendly man for a lap dance. The man saw potential in Karl’s raw, stripper-like moves and flailing legs and cast him on his next tour. That generous man was non-other than Michael Flatley.

Unfortunately, Karl was injured on opening night. At just under 3-feet tall the other dancers struggled to see Karl on stage and he was trod on by a backing dancer during ‘Lord of the Dance’.

However, Flatley grew accustomed to Karl’s face and kept him around as a good luck charm. Flatley idolised Karl and would seat him on a plinth and rub his head before taking to the stage.

One night, after a bitter row, Karl refused to let Flatley rub his head and as a result, Michael broke his ankle after unsuccessfully landing a treble jig from a light reel.

Unemployed and alone for the first time in his life, Karl dreamt of bigger things and imagined what his life would be like if he was the star of the stage and or screen.

One day that dream became a reality and Karl became a founding member of the latest and greatest comedy group that there was, is, and ever will be!

Today Karl is the 4th most important member of the Functional Rejects trio!

Steven Stobbs
Actor / Keith Smith

Steven is a supporting member of Functional Rejects, but sadly can’t afford the full membership cost of £2.99 per annum.

Steven Stobbs born Steven Stobbs is half man, half beast and can be seen raking through dustbins for food, sleeping in discarded carrier bags and defacating in Starbucks toilets.

Steven arrived in Britain as a Russian defecter during the cold war, manipluating his way up the ranks starting as a retail assiatant for Burton’s all the way up to part time custodian for Next.

It is Steven’s dream to help the Functional Rejects achieve their dreams!